Relationships are much like the homes we live in-they require routine maintenance, repairs and even renovations at times. Like a house, if we tend to the smaller issues right away, they can be quickly dealt with and fixed allowing life to go on. Left unattended however, minor issues can grow and become major obstacles in the relationship in the form of anger, disappointment and even resentment.
What state of repair is your relationship in? Are you both communicating effectively? When you look at your significant other do you see him or her through the eyes of the present or the past? Is forgiveness practiced as needed? Do you understand yourself on a deep level as to understand the other? These are just some of the questions that you can begin to ask yourself when deciding if your relationship requires some mending-some healing and repair.
This article will focus upon some insights as well as what action you can take so that you can elevate not only your relationship but yourself as well in the process. Our relationships are within our minds and hearts. They are a reflection of our own inner most feelings. What is experienced inward is mirrored in our outside world and the feelings we feel-be them light and loving or dark and heavy are expressed in the way we communicate, act and carry ourselves.
Here are ten key components and simple actions you can take to begin to not only raise your relationship to the next level but your own consciousness as well:
We hear about this word often but to take it and make it a verb in your own life is not only incredibly healing, but transformative as well. Let’s face it-we’ve been conditioned to remember things, the past-in the form of memories, but also the emotional injuries. Left unattended, the emotional injuries can seep into the forefront of our consciousness and affect our behaviors. This is why it is important to practice forgiveness, so that the past can be left just there so that the door can be opened to unconditional love, healing and a releasing of the negative emotions that no longer serve you.
Forgiveness can begin within the mind. Have you ever forgiven yourself? We must allow ourselves to love ourselves enough to be able to forgive ourselves first. How do you know if you need to forgive yourself? The answer is simple; look at your feelings-they are powerful signals that in fact are measures for action. Feelings of anger or guilt are a good sign that we need to forgive ourselves. This self-release then gives you the strength to extend that forgiveness to others. Forgiveness can first be given within your own consciousness. All you have to do place your attention to the specific person and say with your thoughts, “I forgive you and release myself”.
Remember that forgiveness is compassion extended. It is based in understanding-that things that were said or done in anger do not define a human being but is an emotion that we all experience. This leads us to the second component.
2. Practice Present Moment Living
For those of us that are aware of the New Age movement know and understand the gifts that can be found by living in the Now. The present brings with it a lighter feeling-it isn’t burdened with the past or worries of the future. Sure you can refer to the past as needed and plan ahead as necessary but the space and place where you will discover your most authentic self will undoubtedly be here and now.
By living in the moment your attention is placed where you are-emotions are lifted by the raising of your own vibrational frequency and there is also an incredible lightness that comes with this way of being. When you operate from the Now you become more aligned with your spirit-the silent witness that encompasses your very essence and being. Ask anyone who deeply practices present moment living-better yet observe them and you will find happiness-a rare happiness emanate from them, a glow in their eyes and a light-heartedness in their demeanour.
There is a great sense of joy and completeness that comes through the Now. Present moment living brings you back to yourself, you are more focused and clarity blossoms because you are not so distracted by what happened or what will happen. The present is a gift and there is no greater gift that you can extend to another that costs nothing and yet is so very priceless. What price can you place on knowing and experiencing who you are on the deepest level?
There are various forms of meditation but the one that will be focused upon is meditation upon stillness. This is a very powerful and effective way of meditating-it has the potential to bring not only great insight but profound clarity as well. If you have never meditated before do not fret, it is quite simple and only requires a few minutes a day and a quiet space.
First, ensure you are dressed comfortably and find a space without distractions. You can sit or lay down, there are no steadfast rules. Eyes can be opened or closed. Once you are in position, begin to pay attention to your breaths and only your breaths. See how easy and automatic they are. Allow any transient thoughts to come and go, resist nothing and just be. Now bring your awareness to the moment-the Now. Realize where you are. You are in the present. This way of meditation does not require or dictate any thinking-rather it is a practice of “emptying the mind”. By doing so, you allow for deeper understanding towards yourself and others. You can start with fifteen minutes a day and eventually increase the time if you feel.
In this state of awareness thinking is replaced with a deep intelligence that already dwells within you. Call it intuition or your spirit-it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you reconnect to this awareness so that you can live a life of greater peace and purpose-that will then spill into all facets of your life including your relationships.
4. Cultivate Appreciation
Did you know that it is your very own appreciation or lack thereof that dictates what you value? Based in desire and love, appreciation can transform a relationship-bring it to elevated levels of joy and happiness. It is all a matter of focus; are you seeing and noticing what your partner has done and continues to do for you or are you seeing only past emotional injury? The first leads you forward and the latter keeps you stuck.
When you cultivate a mindset of appreciation you place yourself in a frequency of gratitude. This frequency has lightness to it and it is sourced from unconditional love. With this change in vibration you become more open, more flexible. Things don’t bother you as much or any more at all because you have moved into the most beautiful state-a state of grace. Appreciate the dinners-even if they are not perfect. Appreciate the effort! Appreciate the small gestures. Appreciate him or her for who they are. With appreciation comes radical acceptance; a gift that you give yourself first and then extend to those in your life.
5. Deepen Your Understanding
Do you truly want to understand others? Do you want to know why people operate in the fashion that they do? Come to know yourself first. Understand your inner workings and you will have a blueprint how others operate. It is an empowering and humbling experience to come to really understand you. In doing so, you cultivate deep compassion towards others because in the process of understanding yourself, you realize that other people are also experiencing their own adversities, their own challenges. Now we may not all face the same obstacles, but we have all been conditioned to respond to them.
Where do you start? Read books. Create an appetite for self-exploration. Visit websites and blogs. Become an observer of life. Attend seminars and workshops on self-improvement. Meditate. Live presently. Forgive often. Extend kindness. Realize that within you are all these hidden and untapped faculties that are readily available to assist and guide you.
6. Practice Gratitude
Being thankful and saying “thank you” are two important ingredients in any relationship. What is it about your partner that you are thankful for? Is it their thoughtfulness and consideration for you? Is it their ability to make you smile and laugh? What about the way in which he or she holds you in their arms?
If you a few moments you could certainly come up with dozens of reasons to be grateful for whom you are sharing your life with. When you are in the space of gratitude you are acknowledging not only the good in your significant other but also the good in you. We are all mirrors of each other. Perception is always a reflection. If you feel the gratitude within, share it. Why keep it to yourself?
Gratitude is certainly an attitude that can heal. It is a result of acknowledgment. And who doesn’t want to be acknowledged every once and while? As human beings we desire acceptance and we want to know when we are doing things right. So extend the gratitude if you feel it. Let the other know that you are grateful that they have come into your life and chose to share their love with you.
7. Accept Yourself First
Can you accept others for who they are or do you find it a difficult task to say the least? Everyone wants to be accepted. Everyone wants to be loved and to experience the gift of unconditional love. Everyone wants to experience the gift of patience. How do we accomplish this? It begins with you. And it starts with introspection. This isn’t the easiest thing to do for many but looking inward and acknowledging the positive and negative of oneself is a powerful way to gain self-acceptance.
We all experience emotions. We have the lighter ones such as happiness and excitement as well as the darker ones such as anger and frustration. There is nothing wrong with any of these. We need the contrast in order to experience ourselves and life fully. If we take some of the seriousness away from the darker emotions we can begin a process of self-healing and self-acceptance. By doing so, we create the atmosphere that allows for unconditional acceptance for others as well.
What if you started to look at your emotions more as signals-reminders that “Hey, I’ve come out of alignment, so I must come back to the moment and return to clarity”. Emotions can be powerful, they can dictate words and actions but they can also be catalysts to personal growth. Don’t hide or run from your emotions but embrace them-transform them and yourself in the process to become the greatest version of yourself.
I wasn’t sure whether to call this component “non-attachment” or “self-made happiness”. Nevertheless I am going to incorporate both concepts in this section. Non-attachment as it pertains to relationships is the power of self-happiness. When we are responsible for our own happiness, we provide relief to our significant other through self-responsibility. We surely can’t expect someone else to be responsible for our own happiness can we? And what happens if that person is no longer there to do so?
Non-attachment is self-empowerment. It is not disassociation per se, but it is a way in which to center yourself, so that you both can enjoy the other more deeply by removing expectations and self-created walls. Non-attachment is personal freedom that allows you to not only be an individual but also share your life with another without the fear of loss. This practice reduces drama and makes for a more peaceful and elevated relationship.
9. You’re Already Complete-Now Share Your Completeness
Deep down inside you know that you are whole. Despite that inner knowing, most of us have the desire to share our lives with someone we love. If we can remember the fact that nothing can be added to us-and that by sharing ourselves we are only accentuating all that is great and good about us we would realize that by giving we receive.
Believe it or not, it is by shedding our past conditioning that allows us to spiritually grow. Even enlightenment does not ask you to become something or someone but to realize who you already are. It is by shedding our emotions that no longer serve us that we move closer to our authentic self-that part of us that is already whole and complete
10. The 100 Year Question
How many times have we caught ourselves asking our significant other “what’s the matter?’ Minor offences, innocent comments can be easily misshaped and blown out of proportion. Rather than react, if we asked for clarification, then we could open the door to understanding. Beyond that however, if we were to look at the grander picture-remove our egos for a moment, and ask ourselves this question-how insignificant would our problems appear to be: “Will it matter in a 100 years?’ This is the question to ask because in truth, the answer will always be the same; it won’t matter at all. So why make it matter now? We can’t avoid issues and no one is being asked to negate their feelings but if we realized what truly matters-health, happiness and love, unconditional love then we would take away the power of the small stuff and focus upon what is truly important.
These components are just some of the tools that can be applied to elevate your relationships-to renovate them
, even heal them and make them an experience of understanding, personal growth and unconditional love.